two hands touching in bed sheets

Mutual Masturbation 101

If you ask us, mutual masturbation doesn’t get nearly the amount of credit it deserves. It’s a fun way to connect with your sexual partner and mix things up, you both get to get off, and it’s an opportunity to show each other how you make yourself c*m when you’re solo. Talk about the perfect sex cocktail of voyeurism, vulnerability and arousal.


Wondering what the big deal is, how to do it or what mutual masturbation even means? We’ve got you covered with the down and dirty details on everything you want to know on the subject before diving in.

What Is Mutual Masturbation?

There are actually two acts considered mutual masturbation! The first is when you masturbate yourselves while together (generally a look, don’t touch situation) and the other is masturbating each other and/or yourself (hand sex with each other). Both are completely valid and fun ways to get each other off, but we’re going to mostly focus on the first definition of mutual masturbation.


So, why should you try it? The better question is: why not? Since you’re giving your playtime partner a front row seat to something you likely only do solo behind closed doors, it’s very vulnerable and easily makes it one of the most intimate ways to connect with your sexual partner. The mix of voyeurism and vulnerability can make the experience even more arousing for you and your partner.


Did we mention mutual masturbation is a great way to give your partner a one-on-one sex-ed demonstration on how to make you c*m? After all, you’re the teacher most qualified on what gets you off, and vice versa for your partner.


TIP: If the idea of adding toys into your sexual rotation has been on your mind but you’re worried about bruising your partner’s ego (sigh, we’re all on the same team), mutual masturbation is a cruisy way to introduce a buzzy buddy or two to your partnered playtime with a bonus of showing your partner how you like to use them.


Feel free to explore a few of our favourites in a solo sesh before introducing them into your first mutual masturbation experience.

How Do I Do It?

There are a few ways to try mutual masturbation – different positions, in person or  virtually – there’s no ‘wrong way’ to do it.


As far as positions go, side by side works well if you’re feeling nervous about a full-frontal standoff – get cosy in bed or unwinding on the couch together. Another position to try is either you or your partner straddling the other or kneeling between each others’ legs. Feeling very voyeuristic? Sitting across from each means you can maintain eye contact and see everything while you go to town on yourselves. You just can’t beat that visual stimulation.
 

We don’t want to thank the global pandemic for much, but the increased normalisation of cybersex is definitely something to be grateful for. Whether you’re a long distance couple or away from your playtime partner, getting down with a sexy video session can be a fun way to connect and get each other off even when apart.


When you’re enjoying a mutual masturbation session over FaceTime, being vocal is your friend. Dirty talk, hot and heavy breathing, and steamy moans all add to the experience. Make sure to prop up your camera so you’re not preoccupied with getting the right angles. Once you’ve got your camera set up, some good positions for your virtual mutual maz session are leaning back to give your partner the best view, or getting on your knees.

Take It Up A Notch

Ready to take it up a notch? Adding a blindfold or sex toys into your mutual masturbation experience can enhance your pleasure– and it’s not just for seasoned professionals! If you’re feeling nervous about eye contact or vulnerability, a blindfold could help you get out of your head and focus on your pleasure while still experiencing the arousing intimacy of being watched. Let’s be real, who’s doing it acoustic anymore? If sex toys are part of your usual solo serenades, bringing your buzzy bedroom buddies into the mix is a must, really. Giving an up-close show of how you use your toys to make yourself c*m is not only arousing, but might give them a pointer or two as well.

Do mutual masturbation your way with a couples’ vibrator, like Dorothea. You can control the movements while your partner uses the remote to control the intensity and vibrations.


 

Gentle Reminders

Mutual masturbation is pretty much the safest type of sex you can have with a partner, but there are a few risks to be aware of:

  • Bodily fluids – touching yourselves isn’t risky but anytime there’s contact with each other’s semen/vaginal fluids, there’s a risk of STIs. Keep this in mind if you or your partner decides to consensually lend each other a hand during the experience.


  • Virtual vulnerability – if you’re having a mutual masturbation session over a video call, make sure to chat about each others’ boundaries surrounding screenshotting or recording before you get hot and heavy. Consent is key, even when it’s virtual.


  • Open communication – keep the lines of communication open with each other. Mutual masturbation can be a very vulnerable experience. If you decide to try it and find you don’t like it or feel uncomfortable, you’re under no obligation to continue. If it’s a simple switch like changing positions or a different approach, have a chat about it. There’s no wrong way to mutually masturbate! Whatever works for you and your partner is A-OK.

All in all, there are many reasons to love mutual masturbation – like we said, it’s basically impossible to f*ck it up. It can be seriously empowering to discover ways to mix up your sexual routine, what sex beyond penetrative sex feels like, and to connect with your playtime partner on a new level.


Add sustainable pleasure to your next solo serenade or partnered play session with BON. Pleasure’s 100% carbon neutral, sustainable sex toys. Designed with your sexual pleasure in mind, without impacting the Earth.

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